Inadequate, insecure and in charge

For all my readers who are aspiring to high levels of leadership, I want to pull back the curtain and expose one of the biggest secrets about leaders. I share this, not to deflate high potential leaders, but to hopefully make the path more approachable.

In the eleven years I served as president of an organization, I regularly kept in mind an acronym I picked up over the years from a few different leaders. WIDIRIC stands for Woefully Inadequate, Desperately Insecure and Ridiculously in Charge. 

Woefully Inadequate

These thoughts come from Scottish pastor Alistair Begg, who gave a presentation at the Christian Leadership Alliance conference more than fifteen years ago. While I couldn’t find that presentation, I found another similar one on YouTube: Inadequacy: The Surprising Secret to Being Useful to God

None of us are equal to the task of leadership. Begg points out the amazing number of times the apostle Paul picks up this theme throughout his two letters to the Corinthian church. It’s clear Paul believed the secret to usefulness in ministry cannot be traced to any natural competence. It is only in leaning into our weakness and inadequacy that we find God’s strength (2 Cor 12:9-10), receive the Lord’s commendation (2 Cor 10:12,17-18), and see God produce results we couldn’t achieve on our own (1 Cor 3:6-8).

In those eleven years, I was constantly reminded of the irony that God chose a monolingual graphic designer to run a Bible translation organization. I have three letters after my name, but they aren’t much help in this organization: BFA. In half the situations I faced as president, I didn’t really know what to do. I constantly wondered whether I made the right choice, wore the right clothes, said the right things. 

And yet, I had a strong conviction that God had called me to, led me to and prepared me for this role. Realizing that I wasn’t sufficient in myself (2 Cor 3:4-6), I leaned into my collaborative style, surrounding myself with people who were smarter and more specialized than I was and fashioning a leadership team approach. I tried to approach leadership with a learning posture and dependence on God. Sure, he did use many of my strengths, but I was constantly aware that it was his power working through me that was my real hope of effectiveness. 

Desperately Insecure

This idea comes from American pastor and teacher Chip Ingram. You can read or listen to more of his thoughts at Everyone is Desperately Insecure.

Everyone is insecure, but some are better at masking it than others. Ingram says insecurity manifests in many different ways. Some withdraw and create distance from others, while some power up, boasting and intimidating others. All are ways to cover up or pull away out of fear of being unloveable or unworthy. “Strong responses” are probably more obvious in leadership positions, because people mistake bragging, testosterone and intimidation for leadership. But “weak responses,” such as defensiveness, deflection and people pleasing, are just as common.

Ingram tells the story of how, shortly after he launched his radio ministry, he was invited to attend an event sponsored by the National Religious Broadcasters in the US. He found himself in a room of Christian celebrities. With sweaty palms and heart racing, feeling completely out of place, he skipped the small talk and went straight over to his seat. 

To make things worse, he found out he was seated next to Chuck Swindoll. He said, “Picture how intimidating it would be to sit next to one of your heroes in a room full of ‘spiritual giants’ and you are the new kid on the block.” But after a few minutes, Ingram took a huge risk. He turned to Swindoll, introduced himself and confessed, “I’m real new to all of this. I’m really out of my league here, I don’t know what I’m doing and this is a very threatening environment. Do you think you could give me a few tips on how to handle myself and what to do?” Swindoll shocked him by admitting he felt the same way. In fact, he pointed out that most people in the room felt insecure as well. He took Ingram under his wing, and thirty years later, they’re still friends.

My natural tendency is not to open up about my insecurity, but hide it with an image of calm, unshakeable confidence. While I can demonstrate vulnerability, I curate my public admissions carefully while opening my indecision and doubts to very few, trusted confidants. It’s helpful to me to realize I have solidarity in my insecurity, which helps me see past the masks of others I am prone to compare myself with. In fact, I think insecurity is one of the most common weaknesses in leaders, and it’s likely the source of a lot of wounds leaders have inflicted on others.

Ingram points out that the way to defuse insecurity is by admitting it and refusing to play the game. He says the key is authenticity. The Bible is full of examples where God calls insecure people to leadership. One of my favorites is Gideon, who was completely open with God, revealing that he saw himself as the weakest link in a weak clan (Judges 6:14-16, my version). God then teaches him through a series of tests, and then a miraculous victory. His vulnerability made his example far more relevant to all of us millennia later. I’ll discuss some of other Biblical examples in my next post.

God can redeem that insecurity when we put down our fig leaves before God and others. Then do the deep soul work of understanding our security as children of God who are loved and accepted just as we are. And finally, step out in faith to follow God’s call with your meager offerings.

Ridiculously in Charge

Dr. Henry Cloud unpacks this idea in his book, Margins for Leaders, but you can find a shorter synopsis of this particular point here: Are You Ridiculously in Charge as a Leader?

In spite of all the flaws, the leader is “ridiculously in charge,” as Henry Cloud puts it. There are no excuses or blame shifting for the leader of an organization, company or church—nor for leaders at all levels. Everything in your arena of responsibility, no matter its size, happens either because you caused it or because you allowed it to happen. 

If you want a certain culture, you can create it while not tolerating undesirable actions or attitudes. If you want certain results, you can build a competent team of staff to accomplish it while holding everyone accountable to make sure it’s not undermined. 

As Moses learned from his father-in-law in Exodus 18, the larger the arena of responsibility, the more shared leadership is required. This increases complexity and requires techniques for delegating responsibilities and knowing what’s going on under your leadership. But it doesn’t change the fact that a leader owns everything: a team success, a failed initiative or a staff member acting alone. 

One way to take this phrase is that he or she is “totally” in charge. But Cloud’s memorable phrasing reminds me that, however I might feel about the absurdity of my appointment to the position and my suitability and qualification for the job, I need to own the fact God has placed me here. 

WIDIRIC

This acronym is a constant reminder that, like any humans in roles of high responsibility, I am inadequate for the task in myself. Like all humans, I have to overcome my fears and fight the instincts to cover up my insecurities with unhealthy behaviors. And it’s a call to courageously step up and take the responsibility of leadership seriously (Rom 12:8 NLT). God is still calling people to ministry and leadership who feel unqualified, but are willing to give it their best shot and learn from their mistakes. God’s promise to Moses and Gideon was the same as it is for us: “I will be with you” (Exodus 3:12, Judges 6:16, Matthew 28:20). The best leaders learn how to depend on the Holy Spirit and the power of God to work in them and through them. 

It comes down to this: all of us have fears and failures to overcome. The gospel is the only real credential any of us has for ministry. It’s who God is, not who we are, that is the difference-maker.

Humbled!

Imagine for a minute that you’re the apostle Peter. Jesus has just gone. You are left gazing longingly at the sky, not wanting to release your grip on him, wanting him to stay just a few minutes longer. You’re suddenly not sure what your job is. You spent a lot of years in the family business as an angler. Then this Messiah showed up, saying that you were going to be a fisher of men. Three years later, right before leaving, he changed the metaphor on you and told you that you were going to be a shepherd. However, unlike any other shepherd, you were going to care for people. That sounds like some kind of leadership responsibility, but what on earth kind of job is that?

Imagine further. On the Jerusalem Chamber of Volunteer Organizations website, you see a position posted. Wanted: Leader of Christ’s church in Jerusalem. Something in you stirs, so you begin to put together a resume. What would you put on that resume? Think about your credentials for a minute. What makes you qualified to lead the Church? What would you put down as your purpose statement? How would you “sell yourself” and your qualifications for a job like that?

Absurd, isn’t it?

It’s a role we couldn’t have imagined for the impulsive Peter of the Gospels. Nowhere in those four books do we see any indication that Peter is a servant, a pastor or priest, a humble leader.

It turns out Peter’s best credentials come out of his failures.

In Leading With a Limp, Dan Allender says,

No one is humble by nature…. Humility comes from humiliation, not from the choice to be self-effacing or a strong urge to give others the credit.

Humility that has not come from suffering due to one’s own arrogance is either a pragmatic strategy to get along with others or a natural predilection that seems to befit only a few rare individuals. For most leaders, humility comes only by wounds suffered from foolish falls. (p69-70)

I’ve wrestled with Allender’s words for years, arguing that there has to be another way. After all, doesn’t James 4:10 suggest that you can choose it? “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” But the context of this choice to humble yourself is the same as that of the prodigal son in the pig sty or the vindictive Saul blinded and kneeling on the road to Damascus. James is speaking of sinners who repent and grieve their sin. God then picks them up from their knees and exalts them.

My editor, Beth Koehler, offered this insight as we discussed this passage:

We’re talking about repentance and grieving personal sin before the Lord. How difficult it is for any of us, but especially so for leaders. Over and over we see that when leaders repent and grieve sin, their humility leads to a similar response in those they lead. It’s as if some major obstacle to repentance has been removed from the masses.  We see this in the Old Testament. We see it in more recent church history where revivals take place.

A leader’s real power is to be a living, walking example of the gospel.

In John 21, Peter was at a place of repentance and grief. He’d just betrayed his rabbi, his Messiah. Jesus’ response is to come to him on the beach and commission him as a shepherd. “If you love me, feed my sheep.” Somehow, this humbled man ends up leading the church in Jerusalem. Years later, he sends an exhortation to the leaders of the exiled and persecuted church. Peter writes from Rome as a mature believer and elder in the church, a different man from the Peter of the Gospels.

And now, a word to you who are elders in the churches. I, too, am an elder and a witness to the sufferings of Christ. And I, too, will share in his glory when he is revealed to the whole world. As a fellow elder, I appeal to you: Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example. And when the Great Shepherd appears, you will receive a crown of never-ending glory and honor. (1 Peter 5:1-4)

Peter’s leadership is shaped by his experiences in his early days. As Will Rogers quipped, “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” Peter made a lot of mistakes, and the advice he gives to leaders reflects the lessons he learned during some of his greatest failures.

Let’s examine a few of the phrases in this passage.

  • “A witness to the sufferings of Christ.” He didn’t intend to be a witness; in John 13:37, he had told Jesus he would die for him. Indeed, while nine of the other disciples immediately ran away, Peter attempted a single-handed defense with a dagger. Jesus’ rebuke forced him to reluctant disengagement. When the mob’s thirst for blood threatened to draw him back in, he finally denied Christ to save himself—his single greatest point of failure.
  • “Care for the flock.” You can just hear Jesus’ words ringing in Peter’s ears decades later: “Feed my sheep!”
  • “Watch over it willingly,” and Peter says it again a few verses later: “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil.” Wasn’t Peter one of the three disciples who fell asleep three times in the Garden of Gethsemane after Jesus told them to keep watch while he prayed?
  • “Don’t lord it over them.” Another harsh lesson. This time the immediate screw-up wasn’t Peter. In Mark 10, James and John had just approached Jesus to seek honour and glory when he sets up his kingdom. Jesus responds that they would join him in drinking his cup (suffering) but it wasn’t up to him who would get glory. Now it’s Peter’s turn:

When the ten other disciples (Peter included) heard what James and John had asked, they were indignant. So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (v41-45)

  • “Lead by your own good example.” In John 13, when Jesus took the basin and towel to wash his disciples’ feet, Peter argued at his audacious display of behaviour unbecoming of a leader. Jesus summarized the lesson:

“I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.” (v15)

Ouch! Peter’s leadership springs out of the bruises remaining from his greatest failures. Gentleness and humility began with his failures and were honed during his leadership of the early church through the peaks of rapid growth and the Holy Spirit’s miraculous power and the deep valleys of persecution, martyrdom and scattering.

It was only after all those experiences that Peter could say, “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honour” (1 Peter 5:6). Peter certainly took a difficult journey to humility. Yes, in the early days the other disciples let him go first. He was the extrovert, he was unafraid. But being outspoken isn’t the same as being a leader. It wasn’t until he went through the darkest point in his life and was restored that we see the beginning of Peter’s journey to bold preacher, leader of men and elder shepherd.

What is your story? Have you gone through a point of failure? How does it shape you today?

Have you taken the time to reflect on your failures and what you can learn from them? Don’t waste those dark moments. They are critical to your character and habits as a leader.

How do I know? Because my own story resembles Peter’s more than I’d like. In my next post, I’ll share my own journey.

Why reluctance part 2: the hero myth

Another major reason for reluctance is the hero myth. In their article Encouraging Reluctant Leaders, Reidy Associates describes this myth as:

the view that leadership is carried out by a person, “the Leader”, who possesses a particular skill set. Included among the skills thought of as constituting leadership are charisma, courage, decisiveness, ability to delegate, time management, and so on. It is not surprising that people often hold this view. Many cultural myths and messages promote a view of leadership based on the hero, the knight in shining armor. The leader/hero has courage, skill conviction, clarity and he (almost always he) holds the responsibility for rescuing the rest of us from whatever threat we face.

This view, of course, is reinforced by superstar pastors or superstar CEOs who seem to have no weaknesses. Of course they do! We just don’t see them, or they never admit them. I worry about people like that, because they seem to fall harder.

Leadership development is a tricky subject, because it always seems to boil down to a bullet list of characteristics needed in leadership. No one person can ever attain such a lofty list of traits. And therefore young people loaded with potential don’t try. How do we create an atmosphere that breaks down this paralyzing myth?

Here are a few thoughts. One, established leaders have to be vulnerable. Pull back the curtain and let us see your weaknesses, your fears and your failures. Admit when you are or were wrong. Unveil your coping mechanisms. Reluctant leaders might learn a few things from your brutal honesty and might love and respect you even more.

Two, let’s publicize the fact that no one person has all the qualifications for any one job. And no one type of leader is perfect for any one job. Different combinations of giftings can match a position perfectly. Or, to put it another way, different combinations of weaknesses can match a position perfectly.

Three, let’s remind ourselves that leaders are simply the right person for the right setting. Winston Churchill was a masterful leader of war but a poor leader of peace. You could say the same about Ulysses S. Grant on our side of the pond.

Reidy goes on:

We think, “I can’t be a leader because I’m deathly afraid of public speaking.” Or, “How can I exercise leadership when I don’t have the: (pick one) college degree, title, solution to the problem, right image?”

Let me suggest a different approach, taken by my sister-in-law, who keynoted a seminar in Atlanta this weekend. Here’s the bio she used:

Emily Bruso is a 28-year-old wife and mother of two young boys. She has a modest education, a messy house, and an imperfect life. She has no awards to her name, but she loves Jesus, loves the Word of God, has experienced the healing that comes from a Godly forgiveness, and wants you to experience it too!